Conspiracy Theory

They are conspiring against me, I have figured them out. I'm not sure whether they have sat down and actually had a pow-wow about this, passed messages along to eachother or telepathically worked up their plan. But they have done it, they are trying to see just how much I can take before becoming officially insane. I know about this plan therefore I will win!
It's not just one or two of them its all of them.....The teenager, the 7 yr old, the baby, the cats and even the husband. Traitors
It begins right away, they do not hesitate to implement their plan. The teenager leaves the only cordless phone in the house off the hook all night, its dead. So when I hit the page button to find it there is no ring, now I must go into her deadly lair (which I never venture into) to search for it. She has strategically placed items on the floor for me to attempt to dodge. Failure! First its the clodhopper that she calls shoes for me to stub my toe on, jump over the mountain of clothes, dodge the hairdryer cord trying to trip me, 1 more step and I am to the bed. (7 yr old screaming in the background about something) Pull the covers back on the bed and there it is, my link to the outside world! The 7 yr olds screams are becoming desperate and now the teenager is yelling right with him. Only 5 more minutes to get out the door for the bus. Rushing to escape the death trap of a room and save my 7 yr old from the clutches of the evil teenager I now hit everything I missed coming into this lair and more. The hair dryer cord reaches out to grab my leg as I am falling towards the ground I spin in an attempt to not smash my head into her deadly entertainment center. It is then that I realize I am now headed for the mountain of clothes figuring that is a safe place to fall. HELLO!!!!! There is no safe place to fall, this is a teenagers room! There is a sharp pain in my hand as I lift myself up I find her long lost earring stabbed into my palm, my leg is wrapped in the cord of the hairdryer, the phone is now lost again and the 7 yr old has now gone into a death wail. Forgetting the phone for now all I want is out and to save the 7 yr old. Cursing like a sailor in a muffled voice of course because you don't want to say those things to your kid, I head out of the lair with the look of "I will kill you" in my eyes.
Dislodging the earring from my hand I head for the wails. It is coming from the bathroom. Flinging the door open I find the teenager and the 7yr old locked in a wrestling hold and each of them screaming "it's mine!" I get the two of them separated only to find that what they are fighting over is neither his nor hers, IT'S MINE! It's my brush, not theirs and both of their brushes are sitting ever so neatly on the counter in front of them. I hear a horn and look out the window only to find the bus ready to pull off. Running out the door to stop the driver I hear a loud BANG and pray its nothing valuable. I convince the bus driver to wait just 2 more seconds as I don't have a car to drive the children if they miss the bus. Returning to the house in a fit of screams "Let's go NOW!!!!", I find the cats. Evil, vile little creatures. The one living breathing creatures in my house whom I thought would never join in my children's enjoyment of making me insane. Their they sat beside the turned over trashcan playing pass the tuna can. Coffee grounds all over the bottom of their little paws which they were kind enough to spread throughout the entire dining room in the short time it took me to talk to the bus driver.

I finish cleaning the mess up just as the baby arrives. He seems to be in a decent mood maybe he isn't in on the conspiracy. Why do I give them so much credit? He eats breakfast as soon as he arrives. When I am done feeding him I pick him up out of his little chair only to stick my hand in a pile of shit. He has had a blowout and it is all over the back of his clothes and now my hand.

It is then that it occurs to me that this is a conspiracy and they will NOT win.