I'm loosing it

I have come to understand the plan of my children. They are truly trying to kill me but they have no mercy in their hearts. They have decided to make it a slow and painful death. One that may take many many years, patient little people they are. I have had many revelations within the past few weeks all of which lead to the same thing, they are growing up. My oldest is almost grown. How in the hell has this happened?? I am NOT old enough to have to deal with this yet.
Everytime I successfully forget their growth there is the oldest to thrust it in my face at every opportunity....
"Mom, I need to order my high school ring."
"Mom, we need to go to college night"
"Mom, I found some new college scholarships"
"Mom I want to go to another country."

Yes, the last one is her newest way to plunge the knife straight into my heart and twist. I realize that my daughter is going to leave and go off to college. I am not happy with the idea of her being out there alone without me and all the perverts just waiting to prey on her. So yes, there is a good chance I'm going to be a bit crazy. But now, now she wants to go across the ocean. Far, far away! How can I get to her there? How in the hell do I protect my baby across a friggin ocean?!
Ever since she was a little girl she has wanted to go to Greece. She has researched it, dreamed of it ever since she was old enough to know what it is. Now her school is planning a trip the summer she graduates. You know what the worse part is? I recognize what a good idea it is, I recognize how wonderful the opportunity is. Have you any idea the arguments that is creating in my head?! I want her to have this opportunity, I want her to have this experience. But across the ocean????
Please, just shoot me in the head now. Show some compassion for a mother with a knife twisting in her heart. I told my husband yesterday that I was turning in my resignation, I'm not being a mom anymore. It's just to hard and the God's think it is funny that my daughter is ready to graduate high school and they are still with holding my instruction packet on raising children. I'm going blind here folks, I have no instructions, no children's "owners manual", nothing!
Oh God, I need valium; lots and lots.

Doing it all over again

I have been slightly preoccupied lately. Saturday night D and I had a HUGE argument and I was completely irrational, his fault of course. My husband knowing the rule, you cant argue with crazy, realized that he was going to have to catch me off guard in order to get me to hear what he had to say. So he left the room for a moment allowing me time to catch my breath and shut my mouth. When he returned he brought his wallet with him. He pulled out a paper and handed it to me. When I looked at it I was confused. He said "It was supposed to be a surprise but I'm going to tell you. I had talked to some of our friends and asked them to assist me in preparations because I wanted to know if you would marry me again. What you are holding is the beginning of the vows I have written."
OK, yes, I felt like an ASS! Needless to say we made up and come to find out it was all just a huge misunderstanding. We were talking about two completely different things and didn't realize it. I wouldn't let him tell me about the rest of his plans explaining to him that it wasn't necessary to completely ruin the surprise. He wants us to get handfasted having the ceremony we didn't have the first time around. He told me to think about my dress and make it. (I make period clothing and have done some wedding dresses as well) I am really excited about all of this.
You see, all those years ago when we got married there was no ceremony. It was quite comical to be honest. We had moved 1000 miles away from my family to where his family was. Originally we were planning a wedding but we had a falling out with his family and the whole thing had become such a hassle that we decided to elope. The day we did it, we drove to Louisiana and found a justice of the peace. In all our excitement to make our relationship legal we forgot you have to have witnesses. My husband ran across the street to a little gas station and talked the manager and assistant manager to come sign as witnesses. I remember laughing so hard. Before he had finally decided to go to the gas station to get witnesses he was walking down the sidewalk asking anyone he came upon if he could get their help. It was a memorable experience, not very romantic, but definitely a story we giggle about today.
As you can probably guess, I am bubbling with excitement to have that ceremony with him. Having given it some thought I have devised a little surprise of my own. He wants to have a traditional Celtic handfasting. Since I am making our clothing for the event I thought it would be neat to do something special with that. My husbands genealogy has been traced all the way back to the first king of Northern Ireland. I thought in making his clothing I would use his family tartan and on my wedding cloak I am going to embroider his family crest. I just thought it would be cool to give him a little surprise too. I have plenty of time, this wont be something that happens until next year so I can really put some detail into it. .
It is a wonderful feeling knowing that if I could do it all over again I would and so would he. Now we are taking that opportunity and I couldn't be happier.

He is amazing

I just have to say that after 12 years the man still gives me butterflies.

Yesterday when my husband returned home from working a 12 hour day I was in "mom" mode, aka multitasking. I was working with my son on homework while talking on the phone with his den leader and sewing his patches on his uniform. Needless to say I was slightly distracted and caught completely by surprise when he handed me a dozen roses. I tried to wrap up the conversation with the den leader while arranging the flowers in a vase so I didn't notice what hubby was doing next. It wasn't until he came out of the bedroom informing me that I needed to get off of the phone. I cut the conversation off and said a quick goodbye. I was thrilled that he had been so sweet and thoughtful but I have to admit there was a side of me wondering "what have you done?".
When I got off of the phone he took it from me and led me by the hand through the bedroom into the bathroom. It was there I found what he had done in just a few moments of coming home. A bubble bath was being drawn and there were candles all over the bathroom. I almost cried. I said to him "Why are you doing all of this?". His response, "Because I love you and I want you to know how special you are.". Of course I wasn't completely out of "mom" mode so I told him "I'm helping A with his homework and I still have to cook your dinner." He just laughed and told me to get in the tub and leave it to him.
He finished doing the homework as well as cooked dinner. I came out of the bathroom about the time that he had finished cooking. We ate and he apologized for dinner taking so long to make. I told him that dinner hadn't taken long at all. He said "Yes it did, I wanted to bathe you but you were out of the tub by the time dinner was done."
No, we didn't have a fight recently. No, it isn't a special occasion. No, he hadn't done something wrong.
I love that man.

Back :)

Let me just say I am so sorry for having been away for awhile. Things have been busy, but in a good way. A very good friend of mine had moved away a couple of years ago and has moved back and bought a home. So, I have been over there in my free time helping her to paint and make it her own. Not only has she moved back to the area and bought another house but she is now only right up the street. That is so nice!
Along with helping her to get settled and decorate her new home we have been busy with the kids. School has begun as most of you know. With that comes playing taxi for the dance team and boy scouts. So yes, we have been really busy but it has been quite enjoyable. I promise I will write more later but for the moment I need to help the boy with homework and get to dinner.

The circle goes unbroken

A little over 6 years ago I met one of the most amazing women I have ever known. I was immediately drawn to her and we became very close friends very quickly. It was through her that I met the closest of my friends. She had a way of attracting people to her. I had never had a group of friends like this one. Until then I had come to the conclusion that women couldn't be that close in a group type setting. But these women could. I had never seen or experienced anything that wonderful. This group of women truly cherished each individual person and their differences. Nobody was jealous that one may have a personality trait that another didn't, each respected and cherished the special qualities that every individual brought to the group. We learned from eachother and grew from eachother. The support that this group of women gave to eachother was amazing. If someone was going through a hard time they were ALL there. They encouraged you to be your best, built you up when you were feeling down and genuinely loved you.
Over time we became separated, some moved away others walked away. I have missed them and the special bond we shared. I have reunited my friendship with one of the ladies that are still in the area and have been so happy for that. Two days ago I heard from the one who began it all, the one who brought us all together. We have all grown over the years and changed but the bond was never diminished. The cycle has come full circle and it seems as if it is only the beginning of a beautiful reunion. One I have looked forward to for a very long time.

Just a note

I know I haven't posted about hurricane Katrina and the devastation that she wrought. It doesn't mean I haven't been affected by it. It has been a slightly emotional subject in my household. My husbands family lives in Mississippi only 10 miles from the Louisiana state line. Thank goodness they are all ok. There was a lot of damage and most of his family have fled to other family members homes further north. They weren't in the heart of the devastation but their homes are still without power and it doesn't look like they will be getting it back before October. To see the pictures of Louisiana breaks my heart. I was married just outside New Orleans. The people there are some of the best I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. If it weren't for having children who need me I would be down there now doing whatever I can to help out.
A very good friend of mine called yesterday to say he was heading down with the Red Cross to help out. He's in my prayers, they all are.

Never a dull moment

Sometimes things happen that lead you to believe that there is a plan. Things were just way to coincidental for there not to be. Yesterday started out as a pretty decent day. Justice and I went shopping most of the day, something we rarely get to do, and had a blast. My sister's birthday is Friday and I am hosting a party for her so when Hubby got home I had to go back out to pick up more supplies. As luck would have it I had to go to Walmart. We all know my feelings on Walmart so I wont go back into that now. Anyway, I had already had such a wonderful day I really didn't mind.
Of course, that was to change. I believe that stupid people breed way to much. I also believe they get together and pick a person to barrage with ignorance each day. Yesterday happened to be my lucky day. It began at the deli counter. The little old man who works behind the counter is such a sweet man, always smiling and friendly. He also happens to be black. There was a woman (a white woman) at the counter ordering something and decided to have a conversation with him. Being as friendly as he always has been he was happy to talk with her while he worked. She took it upon herself to inform him that she and her husband were looking into adopting another child and this time she had requested one with "darker skin" because she preferred them that way. Then went into telling him how her husbands mom, somewhere back in the lineage, was mixed with something. They didn't know what but it was "very obvious she isn't completely white" and they thought a darker skinned child would make her feel not so left out being not all white and all. As my body involuntarily began to shake and my head began to twitch I did my best to leave the area of the deli so I wouldn't have to smack her. The extent of the conversation seemed to be that she was letting him know it was ok that he was black. Like he needed her permission!!! Mr. Deli man, let me address you now. On behalf of the "lighter" race, I am sorry. We aren't all idiots nor do we all feel that you need to be excused for your skin color.
At the checkout, to my surprise, I had fallen in line behind BillyBob Redneck. I suppose having been exposed to his kin for the last 5 years I should have recognized him but in my neck twitching aneurysm I wasn't seeing clearly. He was by himself, which always spells disaster since he cant be happy not sharing his ignorance with someone. He spun around and informed me, in his loud booming voice, that "all those damn looters down there in New Orleans need to be shot. I think we should just shoot them all." I just stared at him. Don't respond, don't respond he will only speak again if you do. Since he received no response from me he turned to the man in front of him to try again with the same remark. My daughter quietly said to me "Yea, the looting does suck." I told her "Yes, the looting of TV's and peoples houses is horrible. But most people are looting food, diapers, formula. They have to eat and feed their children. They aren't doing anything I wouldn't do if I had no way to feed you." She got that. Seen as the man in front of him had paid for his items and left BillyBob turned back to attempt conversation with me. "I think looters are one step below child molesters. If I had a choice to save a looter or a child molester I'd probably save the child molester. I would kick him in the balls but I would save him." I could hold my tongue no longer. I had to inform him that this conversation needed to stop or he wasn't going to like where it was going to go. Stop talking to me!!!!!!!
BillyBob left. My turn to pay for my things, almost out of this God forsaken hell whole of stupidity. There are two men behind me, standing so close I can feel someone's breath on my arm. I write a check for my items and the cashier asks for my phone number. I give it to her, I hear the idiot behind me repeating it to his friend. Now, I have been bombarded with idiots since I have walked in this place. I'm feeling a bit like a wild animal who has been cornered. I turn around and get just as far from his face as he was from my arm and say "WHAT?!"
"Why do you want my number? Are you too going to bombard me with stupidity? If there is something you think you may just need to call and tell me say it now." They apologized, I paid and left. Of course, as I was leaving I had to find my daughter who had turned and bolted the second I spun around to speak with idiot #3. She cant let people know she's really related to me.