Rules for shopping

Yesterday was a "mother - daughter" day. My daughter and I spent the day shopping with a friend of mine and her teenage daughter. For those of you who don't have teenage children or have children who are approaching their teenage years there are rules you must follow when shopping with a child in this age bracket.
1. First and foremost you must not speak to them or stand to closely looking in their direction while they are shopping. You must accept that you are not cool and being seen with them will only detract from their coolness. There are ways around this however. If you pretend to be browsing a rack of clothing close to them and not make direct eye contact you will be able to monitor what clothing they are picking up. But I repeat, do NOT make eye contact.
2. You must never express your like or dislike of a piece of clothing while they are in the store. This will do nothing more than horrify your child. Especially if it is something they like and you express a like in the item as well, you can guarantee the item will go directly back to the rack. If it is something you do not approve of they will try to buy it even if they don't like it. It is best not to speak during the choosing process.
3. Accept that they will take 50 items into the dressing room atleast 10 times and probably purchase one of the first items they try on. You must not comment on this it will only show your lack of coolness.
4. Before you enter the store for your shopping trip you must give the child a set limit on the amount of money they may spend. If you do not you may as well take out a loan and purchase the store.
5. Accept that they will only speak to you while in the store to ask for a higher limit than you have given them. It is acceptable to respond at this point. This will probably be the only time they speak to you.
6. If your answer to #5 is no, accept that their will be an argument. There are ways to avoid argument in the store.........

Argument Avoiding
1. Go directly to the intimates section of the store and grab the largest pair of "granny panties" you can find. Grab only 1 pair and go directly to the check out line. When it is your turn ask the cashier if they have lay-a-way and if you may put these underwear on lay-a-way. If they do not have this service explain to them that you are in dire need of underwear as all of the pairs you own have holes in them and you cant afford to purchase anymore because your ungrateful teenager has taken all of your money. When the cashier offers apologies and explains that she can not help you ask if she has any old pairs she may like to donate to your cause. Your teenager will be to horrified to argue with you any further.

There is also a proper way to exit the store that most people don't know. If allowed your teenager will turn this shopping trip into a week long event. You now have the option to maintain a long drawn out fight to leave the store which in turn is going to ruin your day. Or you may try my alternative methods.
1. Again, go to the intimate section and find a skimpy g-string. Place this pair of "underwear" on your head as an eye patch hooking the straps around your ears. Run to your child yelling "(child's name) Look what I found!!!"
2. Find the biggest ugliest hat in the store place it on your head and follow your child around staying no less than 3 paces behind them.
3. Lay down in the middle of the aisle faking exhaustion.
4. If you don't like the "extreme" methods you can always grab the same item of clothing your daughter has in your size and say you are planning to buy these so the two of you can be "twinkies".

My only hope is that you parents can take home with you as much enjoyment as I do from our shopping sprees :)