Valium, morphine..Can I stock up?

Here lately a new form of neurosis has begun. Not that I'm not accustomed to being neurotic, I am. I knew this was coming, figured it wouldn't be to easy but I didn't expect the lack of ability to control it. I can be doing something so very normal, driving down the road for example, absolutely nothing to do with the cause of my neurosis; and all of a sudden...WHAM! It just hits me, my mind goes into overdrive. There is no pause button, no chance to regain composure. Just me sitting there in full blown crazy. I suppose it would be easier if I just wrote what the cause was, which I'm going to just bear with me. You see, there is this crazy part of my brain that writing it out makes it so real for. Almost like if I don't admit it then it will go away. That crazy childhood game of "I cant see you so you cant see me".

Take a deep breath, here it comes.

In less than 6 months..

I will be...

The parent of an adult child.

My baby girl, my first born will be 18 years old. It is to a big deal!! No, I don't much care about the getting older thing. Hell, I use that to my advantage. "I said what? No, I don't remember saying that's ok. What did you expect I'm old, memory's going." The problem here is that she is just a baby! No really, you don't understand. I remember 18, remember thinking I was grown. But she is just a baby!! She is not ready for that horrible cruel world out there and I'm not ready to send her to it, damn it!
We were sitting in the kitchen the other day having a nice normal family discussion when the little ass announces that she already has 3 friends lined up who are going to go clubbing with her on her 18th birthday. She really thinks she is going clubbing on her birthday. Cute isn't she. She is staying home and having ice cream and cake. I'm not going to do this well, this isn't working for me. We have enough financial worries with sending the child to college this year (which I am also not real happy about) without having to worry about bail money. 18 is not grown, she will be out at some club..Just a baby; and some grown man is going to want to dance and put his hands on her. He knows she is just a baby but being the pervert he is, does not care! (This is where the bail money comes in)
I hear jail isn't so bad. 3 meals a day, no real responsibility. Maybe I could even go in on an insanity plea. Get a nice comfy bed in a psych ward in some state institution. Some really good drugs that make me drool on myself.
Anyone?